I’ve just been reading a interesting if old discussion on FAP about why people write and what they got out of it. Naturally it got me thinking about my own motivations and why I want to make a go of writing more seriously than I have been for a long time.
My stories are important to me because they are mine. I come up with the ideas and themes that interest me or makes me want to delve deeper into the story. Some of it is conscious , some of it is not. Since I’ve been doing it for a long time from childhood and people seemed to enjoy what I came up with , I loved doing it. I can only imagine that the only reason that I gave it up is that I lost a great deal of confidence in my abilities after college and managed to convince myself that I wasn’t clever enough or talented to write and especially not professionally.
While I got a lot from my Journalism course like the ability to check my work way more more throughly than I would have done, and the skill to judge other people’s work I’m not sure that it help me to develop enough confidence to write. I did a few bits and bobs but let my self get easily discouraged and gave up on it.
It’s like my singing. I was appalling while I was studying Musical Theatre at college precisely because I had no confidence in my abilities and I didn’t have the strength to stand up and say : This is me! Like it or lump it, bitches! When I was no longer studying and just singing what I like for myself I have got a lot better. While I’ll probably never front a best selling rock band or sing classical music like I dreamed when I was younger, I enjoy it and it’s a major part of my life. I couldn’t be without it and it’s the same with my writing.
In a way writing is reclaiming who I was and taking something I enjoy to enrich my life. I don’t really want any one else to read my stuff in a wider context yet. I’m allowing myself the joy of writing and getting better, learning with every sentence how to do it better.
I love working with characters. Sometimes they just appear fully formed and searching for a setting and sometimes they evolve. I enjoy observing people and how they behave and react in situations. How they think and feel about what happens to them. It’s strange that I try to be so controlled and detached while I love characters that are unbridled and passionate. When I come up with a good character I even get quite attached to them and really care that they get whatever they are seeking for or not.
So, writing is enjoyable and entertaining for me and God knows I need it as to be honest I don’t go out much , but on a more serious note I have noticed that I do try and work out issues within myself and in the world around me that bother me in my fiction without necessarily realising until much later what I was doing.
It’s difficult not to bore people to death talking about it too much although most people are surprisingly supportive. I have no idea whether they’re just humouring me and my little obsessions but it’s nice of them all the same. My family know I write but I don’t really want to show them my stuff as it’s not that suitable and I would feel strange just letting them read my thoughts. The guys at work know I write, but as yet no one has read the magnus opus and it’s staying that way until I’ve finally finished the monster! In fact the only person who has read some is my best friend who I asked in a moment of mad over self confidence to read and make comments on an excerpt. She really got into it.
